Saturday, August 19, 2006
I knew I wouldn't end up teaching a Malay girl! It turned out to be an Indian girl; but no matter; cos she's nice. Her Malay's super weak though. I just hope she'll improve somehow or rather.
I feel so emotionless today. I feel like a vegetable. A sawi, more like it. (or xiao bai cai or whatever you name it in Chinese; I don't know.) (and why, a sawi? good question.) I feel numb. Everyone seems to be having a plan today. My friends, my family, even my boyfriend.
And here I am; stuck here with my maid and my baby brother at home. How veggie can I be? The best thing is; not once do I even bother to touch those books and notes of mine. I guess I am still, Queen Procrastinator and Hesitator. And that disgusts me. Whenever I grab a book to study; my brain instantly switches off and goes to veggie-zombie mode. So much for motivation.
And won't we all be surprised if I start whining and complaining and act like I'm seriously panicking if I end up taking Supp paper. It always happens. The conscious Elyn in me always, always does that. I will think that I'm panicking. I will think that I'm motivated cos I organize my notes and countdown the days to the 1st paper and all that, but they end up as sparks that don't light up my fire. In reality, there's no real action at all. Those little stick-it notes I put on my file keeps me feeling secured and continue to be in denial that I have not, been studying hard at all. I memorize just one measly topic and I think I've done sooo much whearas people have already conquered one whole subject and moved on to the next.
Then when the consequences come, I'll pee in my pants and get all upset and start ranting. What a bad habit.
Someone help me change, please. I need help.
X O X O; 7:30 pm